Award categories built to spark arguments (in a good way).
Most Likely to Deliver 1,000 Babies Without Losing a Mother and Still Get Mansplained by a Fresh Harvard Grad
Winner: Martha Ballard
Martha's decades of flawless midwifery are dismissed by Dr. Page, who just arrived with a diploma and zero practical experience.
Close second: No one else has this specific nightmare
Do you agree, or does Martha get the last word often enough to balance it out?
Most Likely to Castrate a Rapist and Then Save His Life So Your Wife Doesn't Get Widowed Over Garbage
Winner: Ephraim Ballard
Ephraim delivers frontier justice to Judge North, then immediately tends to his wounds so North doesn't bleed out—because Martha shouldn't have to lose her husband over a predator.
Close second: No one
Is Ephraim a hero or a vigilante? Does the distinction matter?
Most Likely to Be Acquitted of Rape Because the Judge Doing the Acquitting Is Also You
Winner: Judge Joseph North
North uses his position to rig the trial, intimidate witnesses, and walk free despite overwhelming evidence.
Close second: Joshua Burgess would have if he'd lived
Does the novel accurately show how power protects predators, or is North too cartoonishly evil?
Most Likely to Keep a Diary That Becomes Legal Evidence and Also Ruins Everyone's Plans
Winner: Martha Ballard
Martha's meticulous diary entries document Rebecca's rape, Burgess's murder, and North's corruption—making her dangerous to everyone who wants the past erased.
Close second: Rebecca Foster
Do you agree, or does Rebecca's testimony carry equal weight?
Most Likely to Testify About Your Own Rape in Open Court and Face Down Your Rapist With Zero Legal Protection
Winner: Rebecca Foster
Rebecca describes the assault in excruciating detail, knowing North will likely be acquitted, because speaking the truth matters even when the system is broken.
Close second: May Kimble
Does the novel honor Rebecca's courage, or does it use her trauma as a plot device?
Most Likely to Murder a Rapist With Your Best Friend and Have Your Mom Keep the Secret
Winner: Jonathan Ballard
Jonathan and Sam Dawin kill Joshua Burgess to avenge Rebecca and May. When Martha learns the truth, she chooses family loyalty over justice.
Close second: Sam Dawin
Was Jonathan right to kill Burgess, or did he become what he hated?
Most Likely to Declare a Murder an Accident Because You Just Got to Town and Don't Want Drama
Winner: Dr. Benjamin Page
Dr. Page says Burgess drowned when Martha's forensic examination proves he was hanged and beaten first. Page's credentials matter more than Martha's accuracy.
Close second: Judge North actively covering it up
Is Dr. Page incompetent, willfully blind, or protecting powerful men?
Most Likely to Die in a Frozen River and Have Nobody Mourn You
Winner: Joshua Burgess
Burgess raped at least two women, helped North steal land, and ended up beaten, hanged, and entombed in ice. The investigation is less 'who killed him' and more 'why should we care.'
Close second: No one
Does Burgess deserve justice as a murder victim, or did he get what was coming?
Most Likely to Ride Horseback Through a Maine Blizzard in a Split Skirt Because Someone's in Labor
Winner: Martha Ballard
Martha doesn't cancel for weather. If someone needs her, she's there—blizzard, frozen river, midnight, doesn't matter.
Close second: Ephraim, but only to back her up
Is Martha's dedication heroic or reckless? Would you do it?
Most Likely to Use Your Husband's Position to Terrorize Witnesses and Still Act Shocked When Someone Fights Back
Winner: Judge Joseph North
North weaponizes his authority, threatens the Ballards' livelihood, attacks Martha at the mill—and seems genuinely surprised when Ephraim doesn't let him walk away intact.
Close second: Joshua Burgess before he died
Does North's castration feel like justice or revenge?
Most Likely to Support Your Wife's Career Even When It Means Testifying Against Powerful Men and Losing Your Mill Lease
Winner: Ephraim Ballard
Ephraim never asks Martha to back down, stay quiet, or prioritize their financial security over Rebecca's justice. He's ride-or-die in the truest sense.
Close second: Isaac Foster (Rebecca's husband)
Is Ephraim realistic for 1789, or is he too perfect to believe?
Most Likely to Have Your Rape Dismissed by a Court That Fines You for Fornication if You Get Pregnant
Winner: Rebecca Foster
The legal system punishes Rebecca for being raped while her attackers walk free. The injustice is breathtaking.
Close second: May Kimble
Does the novel adequately show how the law was designed to harm women?
Most Likely to Die Protecting a Woman You Love and Have Your Best Friend's Mom Cover It Up
Winner: Sam Dawin (almost)
Sam kills Burgess alongside Jonathan. Martha keeps their secret because the legal system already failed—why sacrifice her son to a system that doesn't work?
Close second: Jonathan Ballard
Was Martha right to keep the secret, or should she have turned them in?
Most Likely to Arrive in Town With a Harvard Degree and Immediately Start Explaining Midwifery to the Midwife
Winner: Dr. Benjamin Page
Dr. Page's confidence is inversely proportional to his competence. He has the credentials; Martha has the skill. The system respects him anyway.
Close second: No one else is this confident and this wrong
Is Dr. Page satirical, or is he just historically accurate?
Most Likely to Choose Your Family Over Your Principles and Live With the Consequences
Winner: Martha Ballard
Martha documents truth and fights for justice her entire career—until her son is implicated in murder, and she chooses silence over integrity.
Close second: Ephraim Ballard
Did Martha betray her principles, or was family loyalty the right choice?